"Be Prepared".. but not too prepared

I do believe there is such a thing as being over-prepared in certain situations. It's not an all together bad quality to possess.. I mean really it's awesome most of the time.. except for those times when it's not.. yah that's right, I've got another one of 'those' moments so yes prepare yourself to once again laugh out loud at my expense:

I maneuver the metro like a champ, getting off at all the right stops, making the line transfers look easy, and always finding the next metro already on the track, waiting for me. Clock work. 

I'd arrived at my destination, with plenty of time. I'm there to hear a professor from the University of Ottawa speak on Religion in China and how it will challenge the state. Should be pretty interesting. I walk up to the right entrance, a sneaky off to the left-not-the-main-entrance-entrance. I flash my ID at the guard standing at the entrance there and he waves me through. Clock work.

I got this DC thing down man..

I unload my pockets and chuck my bag into the scanner and walk through the security station. "Sir, you have a pocket knife in your bag". Clock work. This time for them.. not for me.

"Who me??" "I have a pocket knife in my bag?"

One of the guards radios for back-up. They already had 3 of em! Big guys too. Big black guys. How many more of em were they gonna need to take me down?! I could see em lookin me up and down and I could hear their thoughts: "We can take this guy.." I only hope they can't hear my thoughts: "they're seriously about to eat me.."

I go through my bag to find the pocket knife to hand it over to em and umm well.. it took me a couple minutes. I have a lot of stuff okay! I'm sure I have close to if not more than what is requisite to be considered a 72hr kit just in my back pack. I had granola bars. BARS. Plural. Lot's of em. I probably shoulda offered a couple of em to the guards.. ya know, ruin their appetites in a last minute effort to escape being eaten.. I got water, an apple, instant mac-and-cheese, highlighters, pens, pencils, sticky notes, deodorant, a tooth brush, tooth paste, hmm no hair gel.. should prob get some tho.. Ahh! Finally! The pocket knife! Relieved to have finally found it I remember it's bad and drop the smile..

I fork it over and the specialist takes a look at it.. 'dang!' He gives me a once-over.. again.. 'Is it longer than 2 1/2 inches?' Oh gosh! They're wondering if it's long enough to plunge into my heart to make it quick so they can hurry up and eat! They wanted to know where I was going etc.. And well in the end they let me go.. alive.. whole.. no pieces or chunks missing!!

The China talk was altogether uneventful.. especially in comparison to tryin to get in! The thing is, I don't even know where I got that knife! I'm thinkin someone planted it.. someone's on my tracks.. someone knew that I'm an Eagle Scout and am always prepared.. too prepared.